Shit for brainz.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I wish I knew how to fix myself. Today was not one of my better days. Today was a day full of dread and self-loathing. Why? I cannot come up with an answer, not even for myself. I know I am weak-minded, but that is only because I know my life is a life not worth living. I mean, I understand how lucky I am to know many people who love me. I also know that I am surrounded by many people who care about my well-being, yet I cannot help but feel alone. I get to know others, and I have learned that I am not alone in feeling this way, but this newfound information has not changed the fact that I am alone. Every single day I wish and hope to become a person who truly loves life and is sincerely happy in all aspects of life. I want to be her. I want to be him. I want to be anyone else but myself. Maybe then, I would have a chance at happiness. Perhaps I was just born morose, destined to live a life of melancholy. I wish I knew a mad scientist willing to operate on me by rewiring my brain to eternal positivity and joyousness. I constantly hear that the key to happiness is simply altering one’s negative thinking to positive thinking. Not as simple as it sounds. Not to me. To me, my “negative thinking” is more like realistic thinking, yet I guess I could do better in the “down-talking” department. I need help. I do not fully understand how to love myself. I also do not fully understand how I ever could. I hate me, and I should. I need to change drastically, and I must. The me that has been existing must cease to exist, or else the me who wants to live will never have a chance at happiness.

2 Comments

  1. Without negative energy the universe would collapse in upon itself , Stars would not emit light or heat, superclusters of galaxies would continue to devour everything until in their path until there would be nothing left to devour. Only a vast emptiness would remain. Cold and dark. Dismally waiting for eternity to pass. So in essence YOU are the light of the universe. The prophetic sustenance of vivality. All would parish without the intrinsic desire for a delightfully demure dissent into the darkness of despair. Especially those who landed by some miracle onto a page late af when they were having the worst time of their life and the words he read inspired him to keep going. Even though the world was against him, his family wouldn’t even talk to him. It was your Toxicity that saved him again tonight. Hope your ok. Whoever you are. Lol.
    P.S. Happy people are lame as fuck.

    Like

    1. You are the one who saved me. I appreciate you for reaching out and sharing your beautiful writing with me. I hope everything falls into place for you. You are being kept in a special place in my mind. You are important, and especially to me. Thank you, again. ❤ sad fucks for the win 😉

      Like

Leave a Reply to megatoxic Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s